Flying The Not-So-Friendly Sky

When I was a kid, flying on an airplane twice a year for Spring Break or the Holidays was something I eagerly anticipated and enjoyed.

Flight attendants would pin “wings” on the chest of your shirt and hand you blankets and pillows (albeit not exactly down goose) and you would spend half your time looking out the window over the landscape or watching a movie on your own, personal TV mounted in front of you.

Halfway through the flight, attendants would come through the aisle with big, shiny carts offering free soda and peanuts. And if it was a REALLY long flight, you usually would be offered a free meal.

If you were SUPER lucky, the pilots in the cockpit would let you come in and see all their cool gadgets and you would momentarily feel like you were among greatness.

Adults usually dressed business casual and enjoyed a stiff drink while they read the paper. Flying used to be an occasion; now it’s a NIGHTMARE.

First, airlines dock you for EVERYTHING. 1/2 pound over the issued, allocated luggage weight? That’ll be fifty dollars and your first born. Want to pick your seat in advance? That aisle seat doesn’t come free, Bob. What do you think this is? Denmark?

Wanna get on the aircraft BEFORE all those other losers just hanging out at the gate? Pay up! Business Class? Still don’t know what the hell THAT really is, but I know it’s gonna cost ya.

The new airplane seats were clearly designed by sadistic little people who clearly think blood circulation is overrated. And don’t even think about reclining your chair more than a 3 degree angle, because relaxation is only for the weak and millennials.

Airlines dock you for internet, cable, movies, drinks… hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if they started sanctioning air quality. “Oh, you want the filtered, cleaner air? That’s up in First Class and we’re gonna need half of your monthly income if you want the quality air. Otherwise, you’ll just have to deal with the Asbestos in economy.”

Airplanes have become the Greyhound Buses of the sky, and quite frankly, I’m over it. It’s 2019. There is absolutely NO reason grown-ass adults paying hundreds of dollars to travel should be crammed into a hot, smelly, tiny aircraft like sardines or prisoners.

 

3 comments

  1. John

    I’m an airline captain with a major airline. All you’ve said here…. and so much more. … Sadly, I’m with you.

  2. You are absolutely correct. The Greyhound comparison fits. Seats used to be wider and cushier and there used to be room between your knees and the seat in front of you, plus, you didn’t have to climb over two or more people to go to the restroom. If you don’t pay extra for a reserved seat, you are last to board and there is rarely room for your carry on in the overhead bin. I would prefer the train if they actually went anywhere I need to go and didn’t take forever to get where they do go.

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